Q.  

I am a 6^th grade teacher and I have a concern.  Some of my students approach me to 

      hug me and to receive hugs.  My students are from low income families and have

      many emotional needs.  My problem is that I’m afraid that I could be accused of

      sexual misconduct by a student if my hugs were misinterpreted.  How do I avoid any

      accusations and not hurt my students’ feelings? 

 

A.  This is a question that most educators ponder everyday.  It is hard not to reach out to a

      child in need.  In an effort to avoid accusations of misconduct, many schools have

      implemented so-called "no touch" policies, outlawing teacher-to-student physical

      contact – and sometimes even contact between students.  Some physical acts

      obviously are inappropriate – like holding a fourth-grader in your lap, or rubbing a

      student's shoulders. But in schools without "no contact" rules, teachers don't always

      know what kinds of contact might cross the line. To play it safe, they avoid any          

      contact at all.  However, without physical touch, "children fail to develop cognitively,

      physically, emotionally, and socially," writes Frances M. Carlson in The National          

     Child Advocate. "A lot of kids feel like contaminated goods if grownups don't touch

     them," adds researcher Nan Stein, author of Classrooms and Courtrooms: Facing            

     Sexual Harassment in K-12 Schools. "They read something very negative into that,

     like, 'You don't want to touch me because I'm dirty."In many low income

     homes kids are starved for affection and attention.  It’s not that their parents don’t love

     them but one on one time is often challenging if you are working two jobs and all your

     energies are put into paying the rent and buying clothes and food. Unfortunately, this

     leaves many of our kids looking for affection through sex and gangs.

     The experts at Tolerance.org website provide the following

     suggestions: 

Do:

• Engage in age-appropriate forms of "non-sexual touching." This means, in Carlson's words, "the touch must meet a child's age-appropriate expectations, as well as meet standards for what each individual child finds acceptable."
• Use what one researcher calls the "Touch Test": "Would you allow a stranger, teacher, coach, counselor, or anyone with whom you do not have a close personal or familial relationship to do this to you? Your answer to this can tell you whether or not your touch is appropriate."
• Consider the student's needs. The Council for Exceptional Children suggests the following question: "Does he or she want to be touched or hugged? Some children who have been abused or who have tactile issues do not want to be touched. In fact, touching or hugging such a child may escalate a situation rather than enhance it."
• Respect physical boundaries. According to research on children and touch, students often feel most comfortable with touches to the arms and shoulders. Touches to the head and hands also were acceptable. More intimate – and, therefore, less acceptable – were touches to the legs or chest.
• Teach students the difference between appropriate and inappropriate contact. Students who can understand and articulate appropriate boundaries are more likely to resist sexual abuse and speak up when they witness or are targeted for inappropriate behavior.
• Examine and discuss relevant school policies with peers. "The faculty and the administrators need to talk about what is appropriate adult-to-student contact…," adds Stein.

Don't:

• Excessively engage in any form of touching (hugging, putting an arm around a student, etc.).
• Give gifts to individual students. This is a common tactic used by abusive adults when they begin "grooming" their victims.
• Spend significant out-of-school time with a single student, another common grooming technique. Researchers say the majority of teacher-to-student sexual misconduct that involves physical abuse (molestation, rape, etc.) happens off of school property.
• Share overly personal or private information with students — information you would normally reserve for other adults. This interferes with students' ability to create, interpret and enforce normal, healthy boundaries.
• Use online communications for personal interactions. Today, the notion of teacher-to-student "contact" also applies to the virtual world.
• Ignore your gut instincts. While we shouldn't become suspicious every time another teacher gives a student a hug, we should keep our antennas alert for warning signs, and be willing to voice concerns to a school official. 

Visit www.Tolerance.orgwebsite and www.nationalcac.org for more detailed information.

Lisa-Anne Ray-Byers is a licensed and certified speech-language pathologist who has worked in education for over two decades.  She holds graduate degrees in speech-language pathology and multicultural education.  She also holds certification in educational administration.  She is the author of the books, They Say I Have ADHD, I Say Life Sucks! Thoughts From Nicholas, They SSSay I’m a StStStutterer But I SSSay Nothing! Meet Kelly and The Tail of a Black Panther. She is co-author of the books, 365 Ways to Succeed With ADHD and 365+1 Ways to Succeed With ADHD.  You may contact her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or by visiting her website at www.AskLisaAnne.com.