Dangers of Campus Rape!

Q.  My daughter told me recently that her roommate was almost raped while

on a date on their college campus.  Her roommate didn’t know this boy well,

so she decided to have their first date on campus.  After a few hours, he asked

her to come to his apartment to see something.  He had been so nice, she didn’t

think it would be a problem.  Once there, he demanded sex and when she refused,

he tried to force her.  Luckily, she was able to get away and run to her dorm room.

My daughter tried to get her to tell the police, but she refused thinking that she

was so stupid for going to his room.  Could you use your column to educate parents

and college students about date rape on college campuses!

A.  That is such a scary and traumatic experience for a young girl or boy. Parents send

their children off to college to obtain higher learning and do not expect their

daughters/sons to be raped or for their sons to become rapists!  Let’s not forget, males can

be raped, too.  None of us like to discuss this topic.  However, it is a must!

Young people, male and female, need to be aware of the facts! Just because they are

18 years old doesn’t mean that they aren’t our children anymore nor that they have the

life experience to handle all situations.  First, let’s define rape. Basically, rape is

defined as a sexual act committed against a person’s will.

Rape Facts and Strategies!

The experts at the www.channing-bete.com website and I offer the following facts

and rape prevention strategies for college and high school students:

• Thousands of rapes are reported each year.  Thousands go unreported.
• Rapes occur at all times of the day.
• There are no ‘typical’ rapists or rape victims.
• Rapists use rape to hurt and humiliate their victims, not for sex.
• People who wear seductive clothing are not asking to be raped.
• Victims do not falsely accuse rapists just to get back at them.
• Women do not say ‘no’ when they mean ‘yes.’
• Men! No matter how far it’s gone, if she says ‘no’ and you continue, it’s rape.
• Avoid being alone in secluded places.
• Leave lights on when you’re out.
• Install peepholes and deadbolts and use them.
• Avoid alcohol and drugs while out on a date.
• Don’t leave your drink unattended.
• Make your sexual limits clear.
• Have your own ride.
• Avoid people who ignore your feelings.
• Don’t go off campus until you know the person better.
• Don’t get set up on blind dates.
• Don’t believe everything a new love interest tells you!
• If someone is aggressive and won’t take no for an answer, seek help from your parents, friends and security.
• Never lend your room keys to others.
• If you lose your dorm or apartment keys replace your locks.
• Don’t alert potential attackers that you are home alone or heading somewhere on twitter or facebook.
• Don’s share personal information like your address, state, age and places you frequent etc. on twitter or facebook.
• Don’t blindly trust people just because they appear friendly.
• Have your keys ready when approaching your car. Lock doors!
• Avoid parking next to large SUVs as people won’t see you if you are been abducted.
• Have a cell phone with you and never hitchhike.
• Have a car charger for your phone so it is always charged.
• Always tell your friends, roommates, or parents where you are going and with whom.
• If you’re being followed, get into a store or other public place.
• If someone points a gun at you run in a zigzag fashion. If you get in the car or go with them it won’t be pretty.  At least running gives you a chance to get away and draw public attention.
• Fight with all you’ve got!  Ladies remember your strength is in your legs.
• Hit them in vulnerable spots like eyes and noses.  Bite off anything you can.

Signs of an acquaintance or campus Rapist!

Life would be so much easier if people walked around with florescent signs alerting us to their character. Unfortunately, this is not possible. Rapists look like everyone else. There is NO specific way to identify a potential rapist however here are a few characteristics to watch out for.

1.      Acts overly macho.

2.      Believes that all males and females fit traditional roles.

3.      Doesn’t take no for an answer.

4.      Ignores personal boundaries.

5.      Uses force to solve problems.

6.      Acts excessively jealous even by second date.

7.      Obsessed with weapons.

8.      Acts immaturely.

9.      Tries to separate you from friends.

10.   Insist on being alone with you on first date.

11.   Has a short temper.

12.  Demands your attention at inappropriate times.

13.  Wants to know more about you than you want to tell.

14.   Expects the relationship to be on his/her terms.

15.  Views women as children, property, objects of conquest.

What to do if you have been raped!

1. Go to a safe place away from your attacker.
2. Call someone you trust to be with you.
3. Call your parents!  You’ll need their support.
4. Seek medical attention. Very important!
5. Do not shower, bathe, brush teeth, or douche.
6. Don’t change or wash clothes.  Bring fresh set to the hospital or clinic.
7. Some hospitals call the police as a procedure and that doesn’t

mean you have to speak with them right away or at all.

8. Call your local rape crisis center or call the National Sexual

Assault line at 1 (800) 656-Hope for further assistance.

9. Don’t blame yourself.  You did nothing to deserve to be raped.
10. It may take a while but hold your head up high.  You have nothing

to be ashamed of.

Male Rape Victims!

A man’s reaction to being raped is similar in some ways to a woman’s and drastically different in other ways.  Boys are raised to be strong, brave and self-reliant.  When a man is raped he, feels a tremendous amount of shame.  Often men ask themselves ‘why didn’t I fight harder?’  This shame can be compiled with others asking him why he didn’t fight harder.  It is also harder for men to tell their female partners.  A young college student would probably rather keep it all in, than tell his peers. It might appear to be a sign of weakness and he wants to avoid becoming the target of jokes.  A rape survivor himself, Scott Davis, reports in his book Finding Your Marbles and articles ’10 Things to Do if You Are Raped.’

1. Get help.
2. Start writing.
3. Treat yourself.  Rape can make you feel dirty.  Do things to lift your spirits.
4. Join a group.
5. Get the anger out.
6. Start reading materials that help you to cope and gives you strategies.
7. Go to the police.
8. Find sanctuary.  Healing from rape is a painful process.  Have a place you can escape to when the pain is bad.
9. Know it’s not your fault.
10. Regain your freedom. Free yourself of emotional pain, shame, anger, and fear.

Don’t let these lock you into torment and rid you of your peace of mind and enjoyment of life.  Therapy can help you accomplish this.

Visit www.findingyourmarbles.com for more from Scott Davis.

For more safety tips and more information visit: www.rapecrisis.org.nz, www.mencanstoprape.org,  www.incestabuse.about.com,  www.woar.org,

www.survivor2survivor.org, www.stopcampusrape.com, and www.webpages.charter.net/kpiskur/sign.html.

Lisa-Anne Ray-Byers is a licensed and certified speech-language pathologist who

has worked in education and for more than two decades.  She holds

graduate degrees in speech-language pathology and multicultural education.  She also

holds certification in educational administration.  She is the author of the book, They Say I Have ADHD, I Say Life Sucks! Thoughts From Nicholas available at www.Amazon.com. She is the education editor of the Community Journal newspaper in Long Island, NY. She is currently employed in the Hempstead School District.  You may contact her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or by visiting her website www.AskLisaAnne.com.

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