ASK LISA-ANNE

Inappropriate Touching in Schools? 

Q.  I am a 6^th grade teacher and I have a concern.  Some of my students approach me to        hug me and to receive hugs.  My students are from low income families and have       many emotional needs.  My problem is that I’m afraid that I could be accused of       sexual misconduct by a student if my hugs were misinterpreted.  How do I avoid any       charges and not hurt my students’ feelings?   

A.  This is a question that most educators ponder everyday.  It is hard not to reach out to a       child in need.  In an effort to avoid accusations of misconduct, many schools have       implemented so-called "no touch" policies, outlawing teacher-to-student physical       contact – and sometimes even contact between students.  Some physical acts      are obviously inappropriate – like holding a fourth-grader in your lap, or rubbing a       student's shoulders. But in schools without "no contact" rules, teachers don't always       know what kind of contact might cross the line. To play it safe, they avoid any                contact at all.  However, without physical touch, "children fail to develop cognitively,       physically, emotionally, and socially," writes Frances M. Carlson in The National               Child Advocate. "A lot of kids feel like contaminated goods if grownups don't touch      them," adds researcher Nan Stein, author of Classrooms and Courtrooms: Facing                 Sexual Harassment in K-12 Schools. "They read something very negative into that,      like, 'You don't want to touch me because I'm dirty." I must add that many low income      homes often do not have much time for affection and one on one time that kids need.      They are not bad parents, however. Many work two jobs just to pay the rent and put      food on the table. The experts at Tolerance.org website provide the following      suggestions:   

Do:

• Engage in age-appropriate forms of "non-sexual touching." This means, in Carlson's words, "The touch must meet a child's age-appropriate expectations, as well as meet standards for what each individual child finds acceptable."
• Use what one researcher calls the "Touch Test": "Would you allow a stranger, teacher, coach, counselor, or anyone with whom you do not have a close personal or familial relationship to do this to you? Your answer to this can tell you whether or not your touch is appropriate."
• Consider the student's needs. The Council for Exceptional Children suggests the following question: "Does he or she want to be touched or hugged? Some children who have been abused or who have tactile issues do not want to be touched. In fact, touching or hugging such a child may escalate a situation rather than enhance it."
• Respect physical boundaries. According to research on children and touch, students often feel most comfortable with touches to the arms and shoulders. Touches to the head and hands also were acceptable. More intimate – and, therefore, less acceptable – were touches to the legs or chest.
• Teach students the difference between appropriate and inappropriate contact. Students who can understand and articulate appropriate boundaries are more likely to resist sexual abuse and speak up when they witness or are targeted for inappropriate behavior.
• Examine and discuss relevant school policies with peers. "The faculty and the administrators need to talk about what is appropriate adult-to-student contact…," adds Stein.

Don't:

• Excessively engage in any form of touching (hugging, putting an arm around a student, etc.).
• Give gifts to individual students. This is a common tactic used by abusive adults when they begin "grooming" their victims.
• Spend significant out-of-school time with a single student, another common grooming technique. Researchers say the majority of teacher-to-student sexual misconduct that involves physical abuse (molestation, rape, etc.) happens off of school property.
• Share overly personal or private information with students — information you would normally reserve for other adults. This interferes with students' ability to create, interpret and enforce normal, healthy boundaries.
• Use online communications for personal interactions. Today, the notion of teacher-to-student "contact" also applies to the virtual world.
• Ignore your gut instincts. While we shouldn't become suspicious every time another teacher gives a student a hug, we should keep our antennas alert for warning signs, and be willing to voice concerns to a school official. 

Visit www.Tolerance.org website and www.nationalcac.org for more detailed information.

Why should I complete school lunch forms?

Q.    My district continuously sends home ‘free lunch’ application forms.  Every year     they harass parents to fill out these forms.  I know that I do not qualify for     free lunch.  Why do they ask all parents to fill out these forms? 

A.    The free or reduced lunch program is for parents who can demonstrate that their          children are eligible to receive it based on their total household income.  Children          who receive Food Stamps, Aid to Dependent Children (ADC), Temporary          Assistance to Needy Families (TANF), or the Food Distribution Program on Indian          Reservations (FDPIR) are all eligible for free or significantly reduced breakfast and          lunch. Other households are eligible depending on their income and number of          persons in the household.  Foster children may also be eligible.  Children with          special needs whose disability interferes with their ability to participate in the         regular food service program without some modification, may also apply for special          meals or substitutions.  A doctor’s note will be required.  The information in the          lunch forms are kept strictly confidential. The reason districts want as many          families to complete the lunch forms, even if families are not eligible, is because the          information provided is used for the allocation of funds to federal programs such as          Title I and National Assessment of the Education Process (NAEP), State Health or          State Education Programs, and for Federal, State, or local means tested nutrition          programs.  Districts have to prove that they are in need of and entitled to these          federal funds used to provide programs and improve instruction for the students.  It          is in parents’ best interest to complete these forms so that their children’s schools          can receive the federal funds needed to implement and provide enriching programs          to meet the needs of all the children attending that district.  Also some families          think that they are not eligible and they are.  You can obtain lunch forms and          guidelines to see if you qualify from the central registration office in your district. Did you know that nearly half of children in immigrant families have family incomes below 200 percent of poverty compared with only 34 percent of native children?  Low-income children in immigrant families are less likely to receive public assistance than other low-income children.  Read more http://www.brookings.edu/articles/2004/summer_demographics_haskins.aspx.     Lisa-Anne Ray-Byers is a licensed and certified speech-language pathologist who has worked in education for over two decades.  She holds graduate degrees in speech-language pathology and multicultural education.  She also holds certification in educational administration.  She is the author of the book, They Say I Have ADHD, I Say Life Sucks!  Thoughts From Nicholas.  She is currently employed in the Hempstead School District .  You may contact her at This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it or by visiting her website at www.AskLisaAnne.com.