Sound Off

Global Challenge of Fatherhood in the 21st Century….Great Thought for Our Readers

By Chinyere Ojide

One does not need documented statistics to prove that strong dual parent family system is dying off in every society as the clock ticks in this new century. The developed countries are getting so sophisticated that the definition of “family” is changing by the day and innocent children are caught up in this quagmire. The evolutionist may quarrel with the term “God’. Well, until they provide satisfactory explanation and answer all questions on the “origin of the species” we still accept the Bible’s view of the origin of man and family. Nothing has surpassed this source. So children growing up in the civilized world of the west can boast of advanced technology; better education and exposure to most life’s goodies but they cannot boast of “satisfactory, wholesome, stable, and peaceful family life”. Most youth in America would tell you this when caught committing a crime, “I mean I have to deal with my past”. Yes, his or her past is that he or she grew up with single or foster parents and without a father role model. They all have reasons to make such a comment and it is true.
On the other hand, children growing up in under developed countries of Africa, and other places where strong religious or cultural views persist still have to deal with other kinds of challenges in their environment. In many places in Africa for instance, polygamy produces more children than the average family can cater for with the result that most children grow up in abject poverty and hopelessness that can drive him or her into crime and prostitution. Most girl child prostitutes are found in countries with near zero control on paternal irresponsibility. In such places children born out of wedlock suffer most as no government aid come their way and fathers of such children licentiously take child bearing for granted. They just go about getting women pregnant and bragging about it with out settling down to any meaningful family system. In countries of Africa, we are yet to see a president or top government official apologize to his family on TV for engaging in extra marital affairs. Some have even ousted their legal wives out of official government abodes and usher in mistresses; most of them practice open adultery and polygamy, setting terrible examples for their sons. The Bible says, “Fathers are the ones that eat the unripe grapes but it is the teeth of the sons that get set on edge” (Ezekiel 18:2, 14, 17). In terms of appreciating the female gender and treatment, African men have not done so well.  A Nigerian nurse who feels hurt by a broken marriage lamented, “All through 15 years of marriage, my husband never apologized for anything wrong doing and the wrong I tolerated for a long time included cheating even with my best friends and physical abuse in front of my children in New York City  and his friends only advised me not to call the cops on my husband…the emphasis was on protecting him rather than me or the children until I mustered the courage to just get out of the marriage when I got tired of letting my children watch me cry like a baby after each argument that ends on hitting me or on throwing my pot of food into the garbage to hurt me…how many times did I make another pot of stew or soup because someone who calls himself a father had thrown the family pot of food into the garbage can to get even with me…In order to feed the children I still have to cook another pot…Now I am not happy living with my children alone but we are at peace…we the African women sometimes criticize American women for
being single but it is just that we accept the traditional lie that the marriage must stay even if it stays at a life threatening cost to mothers and children…we end up deceiving the children and producing sons who grow up to beat up their wives and show least respect to womanhood.”

I was at the New York’s Queen’s office of the ACS recently to chat with one of the members of staff.  I saw a man who hails from some where in the Middle East almost sobbing by the corner. I went to ask him why a man should cry so openly. He asked me my country and religion. Then he felt at home to speak. From our conversation one could see that the worst thing that happened to him is to live in a county where paternal irresponsibility is not accepted as a religious or cultural norm. He lamented” Do you know how many times I have come here to see my 2 children and I could not because the stupid ex wife would not bring them out with the lie that they are sick or are busy with home work and this government people allow all sorts of stupid reasons ….This country granted her child custody just for a family fight, something no one cares about in my country?...If it is in my country this fool would not stand on my face and of course I
would have had several wives far prettier, far younger.”

He was not able to take his children that day because his wife had suspected that he would run to Iran with them. In such countries, he has told you what life is for women and children.  In the name of culture, women and their children have paid so dearly same as they have in the name of crazy African traditions that find no fault with the man.  In all these places, fathers marry additional wives and bring down family financial status and ability to give each child the required protection and care. Most of the modern ones of such settings now fix themselves up with numerous girl friends that scheme on how to damage their families or replace the legitimate wives. This situation has left most homes permanently damaged all over the world.  Most homes are in tears because of the distasteful sexual irresponsibility of fathers who want to keep sampling women at the detriment of family peace and security. With such men as family heads, life can only be miserable for women and their children. “When women go crazy men go right after them,” wrote a New York Congress woman. Crazy girls are all over the place and most men are chasing after them with out giving a thought to the effects on their children.

In Africa many abandoned women are left to raise up to 6 or more children alone. The book, ‘The secret of Family Life’ states that ‘free communication, honor and respect” are the best recipes of a happy and stable home. It also explains that “adultery /cheating and lies ‘are the first holes in a doomed marriage’. Adulterous husbands chart the path to destruction of family values as they tell one lie after the other to cover up”. The  book recommends  that absolute obedience and humility should be accorded to husbands  while husbands who honor and respect marriage vows are more likely  to  get all the respect  from women than those who chase after very woman that excites them outside. Unfortunately most fathers are hurt when men chase after their growing daughters or when their married daughters come home reporting of husbands’ dishonorable behaviors, same thing their fathers did to their mothers.
A father frankly said to me, “ Look I never slept the first day my  first daughter told me she has got a boy friend and wish to get a first date with him… she was just 17 and I had to time her and was just sitting on the balcony till I saw the guy drop her off by 10 pm…I ran to the guy and whispered,  I am going to see an OBGYN tomorrow with my daughter and if I discover that you did something wrong with her  on your first date, consider your self dead…I could not sleep till I took my girl to her mother’ s doctor…I was happy to get a satisfactory response but then I knelt down every night to beg God to forgive my past and preserve my girl so that unwanted pregnancy would not put a hold on her life…As a father, as soon as your daughter grows up you actually feel worried and want to be protective and like you  just said, the best protection is to honor and respect your wife by not flirting around.  For those fathers who live clean in spite of the momentous temptations invitation from “strange women” to hurt your wife and family, be assured that you will rejoice at your old age, for God will cause your sons and daughters to attract blessings not curses or disgrace….Sure ‘the blessing of the Lord is what makes rich and does not add any pain’ exclaimed the Psalmist.  Children born in this era are to be pitied; they are getting more of cheap, cowardly and vulnerable fathers who shy or run away from real challenges of fatherhood. The world needs more responsible fathers in the 21st century.